By Christopher Schlegel

I have been drawn (somewhat reluctantly) at times into a discussion on the topic of evolution. As with most of my essays I wind up writing, it is my hope to put down my thoughts on the subject so I am not bothered with it in the future. Also, it amuses me, so there’s that . . . This plan is most likely to backfire when this gets read. I am almost certain that some Pro-Evolution Darwinian Liberal or else a Pro-Creationist Biblical Conservative will read it. And then, to use the hockey parlance that signifies the prospect of a fight, they will Take Exception. At that point they may feel the urge to dismantle me. Or have me sent to some forgotten Algerian outpost so that I can’t “poison any more young minds”. Or pay some guys named Dino The Slug fifty dollars to remove my patellas, cover them with A-1 sauce, mail them to Alaska and let a baby seal or possibly a languid polar bear gnaw on them. I suppose at the very least such a person will want me to sit patiently and listen to them explain to me why I am Wrong, Wrong, and Wrong. As fond of my kneecaps as I happen to be, the last scenario is the least desirable. By far. So, if you have a problem with my ideas, please don’t bother me. Write your own damn essay and I might get around to reading it. If you’re lucky . . .

There is considerable confusion on the topic of Evolution. There are people that use the name Darwin like it’s a magic charm that disperses any notions contrary to theirs. Of course, none of them have actually ever read Darwin’s works. But, ho! Let’s go to the other side for a moment and notice all those that disregard evolution based on . . . Biblical accounts of creation? How many of those that, regularly, quote Authoritative and Unquestionable Sources have ever taken the time to fully read and comprehend their idolized literary premises? I know quite a few Christians that would be in a world of trouble if they had to explain and justify certain Old Testament verse. I am not suggesting that everyone walk around with a list of bibliographic references and footnotes on paper. But it would certainly help if they knew what the hell they were talking about before they opened their mouths.