continued…

You may have to go back to the same store several times depending on the ambition and perception of the owner.  If he is dim witted he will eventually, begrudgingly ask you if you want to teach guitar lessons for him in a small, cramped, moldy room in the back of the store.  He will do this simply in order to get you out of his hair (which is thinning on top but still long and scraggly in the back).  If he is more perceptive he will excitedly ask you to teach guitar for him in a small, cramped, moldy room in the back of the store.  He will do this because whereas the first owner is only annoyed that amateur and aspiring guitarists are cluttering up his store and getting his merchandise dirty and burning cigarette holes in his carpet, the second owner realizes that he will never get rid of amateur and aspiring guitarist so he should at least be making money on their presence.  And he will.  Shortly, you will be in that small, cramped, moldy room in the back of the store teaching all those amateur and aspiring guitarists all those loud, fast, complicated things that you would rarely ever have the chance to play in an actual song.  Some of them will of course want to learn actual songs.  That’s easy too.  Make sure you have a tape and CD player in your little room and use the lesson time to figure out the songs.  One in a hundred students will actually want to know something about Music Theory.  I always enjoyed these students.  If you don’t know much about it and don’t want to deal with it then tell them to go to search Google for info on it (back in the days before the web I would suggest the local library-which for any younger readers is a “NON-digital version of the Internet”).  Years ago a great deal of my rent and food money came from teaching guitar at music stores.

The best teaching gig I ever had was in one of those stores in Florida.  It was run by a couple of guys named Nick and Danny.  I never even had to go to their store in order to get the job.  Our band was playing some hard rock covers and originals at an outdoor festival type thing.  Nick and Danny had supplied the PA system and were running the sound board for all the various acts taking turns on the stage.  We got on just after dark and roared through our set.  I threw in my own version of Van Halen’s guitar solo ‘Eruption’ with a few quasi-classical-baroque-and-roll Malmsteen licks.  The moths were drawn.  After our set I was surrounded by the local amateur and aspiring musicians.  Nick walked right up to me.  No name, no introduction, no handshake, he points at me and says, “You’re gonna teach guitar for me in my store.”  Now, that’s balls.  It was the beginning of a great, long and profitable (for both of us) relationship and friendship.

I only once walked into a Local Musicians Union headquarters.  It was in Nashville, TN after my metal band had imploded (more on that later) and I was slumming around looking for work while visiting my future wife at the university she was attending.  I was informed that there were an immense amount of rules to follow, dues to pay (that were due immediately) and IF they had an opening or a job for you they would call you after they had called everyone else on the list that was ahead of you (it was helpful if others ahead of you on “the list” had died because this could bump your name up).  Finally, I was handed a bewilderingly large pile of paperwork to fill out and leave at the front desk.  I walked out (without the forms) and never went back.